Wednesday, March 13, 2013

13:31 -- Knocking over the bank...

A stifled voice on the other end of the line led me to believe there was more to the story.

"We're at Grandma's.  You should talk to her," Mom measured her words.  I detected a smallish giggle underneath.

"Sure," with impatient curiosity I waited as the phone made its way to Grandma's wrinkled hands.

"Hi, Grandma.  How are you today?  Is everything alright?"

With spunk and a little sparkle, she laughed.  "Well, I am; but the bank isn't and my car has seen better days."

Nearly falling off my chair, the scenarios I began to see as 'Saturday Night Live' clips bubbled over the edges of my imagination.

Old lady's car drives through bank instead of drive-thru.
Old lady's car drives into bank; misses parking lot.
Old lady's car makes bank account deposit.

"What happened?" I tried my best to fashion a neutral response.

"I ran into it when I was parking the car.  It jumped the curb and even though I tried not to hit the building...I did."

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh my goodness!!!  This was so rich, I could barely handle its humor.  And irony.  You see, this wasn't just any bank -- it's the bank in my small town where she spent her entire career balancing debits and credits and it's the bank in my small town where my grandfather spent much of his retirement career doing odd jobs.

I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you that this is also the bank where my dad works...

On the other side of the wall she nearly took out.
After she misread the gear shift.
And stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
And bolted over a yellow bump.

"Was the accident by Dad's office, Grandma?  Was he there when it happened?"

And jolted into the southeast corner of the building right where his desk sits.

"No.  He was home eating lunch.  The girls called him.  Your mom was home eating lunch too.  The insurance office called her to come take pictures for the claim."

Sheesh.  This is definitely going to be on the front page of my small town's newspaper.  I can see the headline now: Banker's mom just misses desk with car.  If it wasn't my own family, I'd submit it to Jay Leno; this is just the kind of story he'd like to share between a black cardboard-mounted newspaper clipping and a pile of laughs.

"Were the police there?"

"Yes.  They came.  They asked if my son was alright."  

It gets even better.  Now, I can just imagine the chatter after receiving that call from dispatch.  "Yeah, um, can you believe it?  His own mom almost ran into his desk," they'd gossip.

"Well, I'm glad no one was hurt," I chew my words to a pulp to prevent giggling.

"Me too.  I'm just so thankful your dad wasn't there."

"Me too.  I love you, Grandma."

"Love you too.  Here's your mom..."

"I'll call you when we get home," her words blurred together.

And, that's when I knew I'd get the rest of the story...

Write on,


  1. Now that's a funny story! You know how to reveal it slowly and carefully drawing your reader in. Your thoughts throughout add to the humor. "I chew my words to a pulp to prevent laughing," is one of my favorite sentences in this. I'm glad to hear grandma is okay and all can be repaired, but you sure had a fun slice to read this morning.

  2. I got a similar call about my niece who was practicing to get her license. Almost 10 years later, she still doesn't have it.

  3. Very well told story! I love the different perspectives that you have going on and the way you let us know important parts about your family. Maybe Jay Leno will read your post...

  4. Thanks for sharing your slice about your Grandma. I am so glad that neither she nor anyone else were injured. I love how you added your thoughts to the story.


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